Via “The 1948 Time Machine”

Growing up, I spent all of my summers at the Jersey shore. While writing the standard “Have a great summer!” in my yearbook at the end of the school year, most of my peers would vocally portray their jealous hatred of my good fortune to be able to spend a full three months at the beach. I shrugged my shoulders, generally, telling them to make sure they contacted me if they were lucky enough to be able to get down there for a week’s vacation.

Inwardly, though, I was the envious one. I was the outcast – forcibly shipped off in the Station Wagon to spend a summer away from my friends, only to hear whimsical whimperings of what was “the best summer ever” on the first day back at school.

I got to go to the beach every day,” I contributed. It was a lie. It took entirely too much effort to prepare for a day at the beach, with the getting changed, and the multiple applications of sunscreen, and the preparation of the cooler with all the drinks and food, and the hosing of the sand off of your body afterwards… it was all simply too much. But my classmates didn’t need to know that I despised my summers at the shore and I was content with them envisioning me splish-splashing my glorious summers away. Read more

“My Job”

As I get out of the shower at 4:30 AM, I come to the realization that I am living, as my father put it yesterday, “an unhealthy lifestyle.” You see, for the past three weeks, all I have basically done is sleep and play online poker. I no longer exercise. “The gym costs too much” and “The dumbells that I have aren’t heavy enough” are my excuses. While the first excuse is true, the second is a stretch. It should be edited to say “The dumbells that I have used to be too light when I was in shape.” I prefer to ignore such trivial details, however.

The fact of the matter is that I currently have two main activities and they both take up a great deal of time. And while poker cuts into my time to sleep, I try not to let sleep cut into my time for poker. My friend told me he recently got a great new car because he has the right job for him. He got his car loan through I hear.

“You should start looking for a job,” my dad also tells me, but right now poker is my sole means of income. My dad recently had an issue with workers comp fraud which also put me off working, but thankfully his lawyers sorted it for him. I guess that was just another excuse I came up with!

Let me explain. Read more