Here’s the thing about “Good Drivers”: There are none.

Or at least there are none that I know or could describe.

Well, maybe one.

The only descriptors one can give another driver are those that have negative connotations.

For example, I know “Fast Drivers,” who don’t hold my safety in high regard.

I know “Slow Drivers,” who don’t think that my time is of paramount importance.

In fact, I’ve been told that there have been a lot of accidents caused by slow drivers as other road users get annoyed with how slow they are driving. Who knew? I thought they were relatively safe.

I know “Jerky Drivers,” who don’t want me to be able to sleep during the drive.

Then, of course, there are “Aggressive Drivers,” who tail people dangerously close and occasionally honk, all in the name of keeping things moving.

Everyone needs car insurance (click here to learn about gabi car insurance if you are suddenly panicking that you don’t have insurance), but “Jerky” and “Aggressive” drivers need every bit of cover possible because they are definitely the most dangerous.

“Jerky Drivers” and “Aggressive Drivers” are similar in some ways. They’re both normally rushing and have places to be. Sometimes, these drivers might be driving commercial vehicles. This tells us that they are usually trying to get to work quickly. Whilst they clearly have somewhere to be, their reckless driving can cause accidents, especially if they’re driving a larger commercial truck. If anyone is involved in an accident with one of these vehicles, it might be worth visiting a law firm website to try and get some legal representation for the case. These drivers have been known to cause accidents, so be wary of these aggressive drivers.

I know plenty of these subcategories of drivers, who probably encompass one-quarter to half of all the people I have ever driven with. Everyone else is simply thrown into the other category of “Drivers.”

Not “Good Drivers.

Just “Drivers.”

Of course, there are Good Drivers out there, but I am just blind to them. The way I see it, there is a hierarchy of drivers, but everyone is so incredibly aware of who is below them on the hierarchy, that they are blind to how they rank to those above them. Anyone that I don’t categorize in one of the negative subsets is automatically on par with me. Clearly, nobody can be a better driver than me.


Regardless of where I stand in this imaginary hierarchy, my recent Aha moment involving pieces of lint and the onramp to the Garden State Parkway made me realize that I might not be as high up as I once assumed.

But there’s so much to do while driving!

Driving is a really good time to learn about yourself. While you are alone behind the wheel, the logical hemisphere of your brain is kept slightly busy with the act of driving, allowing your creative hemisphere to wander.*

*I totally just made that up, but it sounds so right that I’m not even going to bother Googling it.

All I know is that many of my writing ideas have come while I was driving, including what you read yesterday and today, and what you WILL read tomorrow.

Additionally, I have worked out problems while driving.

This typically happens after a bad day at work in which a coworker has treated me unfairly or a customer has been rude. It only takes one of these particularly bad encounters to affect me negatively for the rest of the day.

Obviously, the first place I go after work is my car. This is my first time to analyze the situation and vent my frustration. And as I pull out of the parking lot, my self-therapy begins. Obviously, this self-therapy is extremely beneficial to ensure that we go home in a better mood. However, as we’re replaying these scenes in our minds, it’s important that we’re also fully focused on the road in front of us. After a bad day, the last thing you want is to crash your car and get it written off. If your car is written off and the accident was your fault, it probably won’t leave you with much money to get a new vehicle. This would probably mean that you’d have to find an affordable car from a dealership or someone selling privately. When you’re doing this, be careful not to purchase a faulty vehicle as this can cause future problems. In most places, there is a lemon law that prevents people from selling faulty vehicles, but some people still do it. If you think you’ve been sold a lemon vehicle, it might be worth getting in contact with some attorneys that can help you understand how to file a lemon law claim to ensure you get your money back. Buying a new car can be difficult as there are so many things to look out for these days, so it’s usually better to take your time on the way home and ensure that you’re watching the road properly to avoid crashing your current car. Be careful when doing this self-therapy.

The therapy usually consists of reliving the scene, but this time I sternly bark obscenities at the coworker or customer who angered me. I am able to vent my frustrations in an imaginary scene of rage in which I make clever jabs at their personality, appearance, or hygiene, all while making solidly pointed arguments as to why they suck. If I miss a thing or two, I go back and do it again.

By the time I get home, my anger has dissipated and I can enjoy my life again.


Driving: Part I (The Driver-Passenger Conflict)

Driving: Part III (The Car as a Sword and Shield)

0 thoughts on “Driving: Part II (The “Good Driver” Hierarchy)

  1. LOL Your hierchy of driving made me laugh! I'm going to have to pin it on pintrest… hahaha

    I have a confession: I tweet and drive. I text and drive. I pretend to talk on the phone when I'm really singing obnoxiously loud and drive. I even eat and drive. And on days where I just need to brush up before a lecture or an exam, I'll study and drive.

    My amazing ability to multitask while driving may put me as the “other good driver” on your chart. Just sayin..

  2. Okay, now I will definitely be sure to avoid a yellow VW, if I should ever see it on the road.

    I used to yell at my ex-girlfriend when she would text and drive, it is definitely dangerous. I watched some NBC or ABC news special about it and it scared me. I wouldn't want to have to downgrade you on the hierarchy.

    Be careful.

  3. So long as your therapeutic moments of reliving customer-encounters don't include punching, kicking or head-stomping movements.

    Therapeutic they might be, but might equally result in physiotherapy.

  4. You needed to put “driver who steal your ride” under the last category and “road bikers who need to ride in the road and not in their special lane”:)

  5. Dammit! Wait, we're talking about driving? I clearly thought we were talking about something else. Besides, I don't even have a phone. Pshhh, texting and driving…


  6. I love that you rehash your coworker problems in the car. I get a lot of “car therapy” time myself and sometimes I wonder what the people beside me at redlights think when I'm swearing like a sailor and flailing my arms like a lunatic to an imaginary person.

  7. I will disagree with you. I believe that not only can you move from one spectrum to another depending upon the day or mood, by comparison we are either the “fast driver” or the “slow driver” so clearly we can't just be in one bucket forever.

    Additionally, how many times have you heard the phrase “he's normally such a good driver” (usually after a ticket or accident) so the concept of a good driver DOES exist if in a temporal plane that you do not visit. (yeah I made that up too, I won't google yours if you don't google mine).


  8. Alright man. Moderately off-topic, but I literally stole a limousine from a mortuary today and quoted Driving Miss Daisy as I drove my boss around running errands. It was fucking brilliant.

  9. that's easy: my fianceé used to drive me anywhere because he thought I was too dangerous to drive! He's not that wrong, I'm completely uncoordinated so it's a pretty difficult thing to do to pay attention to the mirrors, and gear changes, and whatever is going on around me… Yeah, now you can draw your own conclusions on my mental skills Lol.

  10. I'm agree about your wandering theory. Mainly because it makes sense. How many times do we drive on “auto pilot”? I've wandered so much that although I know exactly where I'm going I go the wrong way. I've driven past my own street at least twice from being lost in thought.

  11. I freely admit that sometimes I drive like a fucking maniac (I'm a Jersey girl) but I do my best to at least be pleasant while tearing up the roads.

  12. I think I'm a bad driver because, I'm always late, so I drive quite quickly. I've never been in an accident and I've only ever received one fine for exceeding the speed limit, which is good, but I must agree, there are no good drivers! 🙂

  13. I definitely fall into the “fast driver” category. I'm always going, at least, 10 over the speed limit. I seem to think those white signs just tell me the MINIMUM I should be going. God help you if you are in front of me doing THE speed limit. Or even worse – going under. Those are the people that need a swift kick to the baby-maker.

  14. I think that you are a good driver, then, if you have never been in an accident and only received one ticket.

    But then again, you have all of those road signs to deal with over there 🙂

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