A little while back, I wrote a post about a gas station attendant who was too busy playing on his phone to do his job and fill my tank.
I imagined that his name was Shane Lazypunk.
The kid continued texting or tweeting or words-with-friends-ing or whatever the hell he was doing while another attendant from the other side of the gas station (who I called Kevin Doeshisjob) came over to do Shane’s job for him.
In my blogging rage, I made a fake Twitter account for him so that I could properly document what I thought he might be tweeting at the time.
For the blog post, I tweeted from his account twice, followed the account from @YoungmanBrown, took screenshots of the tweets, and posted them on the blog. And that was it. Shane Lazypunk was forever out of my life.
But then on March 10, I saw a tweet from @ShaneLazypunk.
Upon further investigation, I saw that Shane had tweeted 23 times (all of which were similar spam-like tweets) and was now following seven people.
Shane was networking.
At first I thought that perhaps this was the robots way of getting back at me, after I had messed with one of their kind. The robots had taken over my account and were preparing for the robot apocalypse, which starts, simply enough, with self business spam.
Then I thought that I was developing a split-personality, and it was beginning to seep through the cracks in the form of an online persona named Shane Lazypunk*.
*This is actually not too wild of an idea considering the fact that I already have an online persona named Youngman Brown**.
**Or is Youngman Brown my real name and do I walk around in the real world calling myself Mike Young??***.
***Oh God, please help me. Who am I????
Most of the tweets were sent out between March 7 and March 10. Perhaps I went on a four day bender and got so drunk that I don’t remember pretending to be Shane Lazypunk and starting up a new business.
But no. I checked my diary and all I did was work and sleep during those days. Just like every other day.
And then I came to the logical and sensible conclusion that the account had been hacked. By a robot or human, it didn’t matter. They had changed the password and @ShaneLazypunk was under their control now.
And what a glorious and worthwhile hacking it was.
That’s right. One follower:
Perhaps that is why @ShaneLazypunk gave up back in March. Because the only person he was able to sling his product to was THE MAN WHO CREATED HIM.
I’m going to let the hackers have him. But I swear, if @ShaneLazypunk gets more followers than me, some gas station attendant is going to get punched in the throat.