A little while back, I wrote a post about a gas station attendant who was too busy playing on his phone to do his job and fill my tank.


I imagined that his name was Shane Lazypunk.

The kid continued texting or tweeting or words-with-friends-ing or whatever the hell he was doing while another attendant from the other side of the gas station (who I called Kevin Doeshisjob) came over to do Shane’s job for him.

In my blogging rage, I made a fake Twitter account for him so that I could properly document what I thought he might be tweeting at the time.

For the blog post, I tweeted from his account twice, followed the account from @YoungmanBrown, took screenshots of the tweets, and posted them on the blog. And that was it. Shane Lazypunk was forever out of my life.

But then on March 10, I saw a tweet from @ShaneLazypunk.


Upon further investigation, I saw that Shane had tweeted 23 times (all of which were similar spam-like tweets) and was now following seven people.

Shane was networking.

At first I thought that perhaps this was the robots way of getting back at me, after I had messed with one of their kind. The robots had taken over my account and were preparing for the robot apocalypse, which starts, simply enough, with self business spam.

Then I thought that I was developing a split-personality, and it was beginning to seep through the cracks in the form of an online persona named Shane Lazypunk*.

*This is actually not too wild of an idea considering the fact that I already have an online persona named Youngman Brown**.

**Or is Youngman Brown my real name and do I walk around in the real world calling myself Mike Young??***.

***Oh God, please help me. Who am I????

Most of the tweets were sent out between March 7 and March 10. Perhaps I went on a four day bender and got so drunk that I don’t remember pretending to be Shane Lazypunk and starting up a new business.

But no. I checked my diary and all I did was work and sleep during those days. Just like every other day.

And then I came to the logical and sensible conclusion that the account had been hacked. By a robot or human, it didn’t matter. They had changed the password and @ShaneLazypunk was under their control now.

And what a glorious and worthwhile hacking it was.


That’s right. One follower:


Perhaps that is why @ShaneLazypunk gave up back in March. Because the only person he was able to sling his product to was THE MAN WHO CREATED HIM.

So, whatever.

I’m going to let the hackers have him. But I swear, if @ShaneLazypunk gets more followers than me, some gas station attendant is going to get punched in the throat.

-Youngman Brown

0 thoughts on “The Rise of Shane Lazypunk

  1. This is great. Your fake persona was hacked. I'm with you, the robots got pissed that you infiltrated their ranks. You're going to suffer their wrath now. Watch- all your electronics are going to start turning on you.

  2. Now this is funny! A fake twitter account hacked! I bet it was that guy named Mike Brown who did it…or was it Youngman Brown?

    Since I started blogging I noticed I have an alter ego, living Dan's life as Workingdan. Sometimes I can't tell who I am anymore or which world I am living in!

  3. This amuses me. And also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who makes up names for people. Only I go a step further and if I actually meet them I say, “Actually, you are _________. Your real name is of no consequence as it is never what I will remember you by anyways. Sorry.”

  4. How long before Shane sets up his own blog? Of course it will consist of simply pictures of people pulling up in driving machines…perhaps with some snarky ill-constructed grammatically-incorrect lol/omg/lmfao comment.

    And will he win awards for his drivel? Likely he will set it up with a profile picture of a girl with large hooters almost falling out of her top and thus gain followers…



  5. Bah, my iTunes account was hacked, and I lost all $2.23 I had on it. I mean, I suppose it's worthwhile to commit illegal activities to make away with a haul like that.

    I hope Lazypunk succeeds with his business strategy. I sure wouldn't want a brilliant Words-With-Friends player like he selling himself short.

    Also, good luck with that whole identity crisis thing.

  6. You have me really freaked out, first with your ghost stories and now with hackers commandeering a persona you left unattended. Next you're going to tell me that you got electrocuted by one of the self-checkout machines at the grocery store, which, as I know for a fact, are possessed by hell-demons. You're not helping my fears.

  7. How have the porn bots and “need a new job” stalkers not fallen on Shane? I say keep him alive and make him your day off sitting around drinking, watching the game, and ball scratching twitter account…but that's just me.

  8. Haha you just inspired me to write a new post.

    I do this with people too, but always leave them in my phone as what I put them in there as initially. For example, a girl who transferred to my college was put in as “New Girl” and she is still in there as such, even though we know each other quite well now.

    Don't worry, I will give you credit 🙂

  9. They really are possessed by hell-demons! I always need to get the person to help me figure out how to work them and always have a problem paying the damn thing for my groceries.

    And produce? Forget about it.

    Sorry for scaring you!

  10. Apparently Shane Lazypunk gave up trying to start his own business just like he gave up trying to do his job at the gas staion. Poor Kevin Doeshisjob now has to pick up the slack of both pumping gas AND running Shane's business. Poor Kevin. 🙁

  11. tears streaming down face laughing mascara smeared now. text that as TSDFLMSN.

    LOVE THIS. Want the t-shirt (the robot apocoolypse, not the pic of shane).


  12. LOL!!!!! Oh, that's great that you made the gas station attendant a fake twitter account. That is dedication to your frustration!!! hahahaha The fact that he got hacked and started tweeting you is even greater!!! LOL!!!

    P.S. I spoke to Shane Lazypunk and I'm pretty suspicious that is you. Are you SURE this is a robot hacking and not a split personality????? Kidding…maybe.

  13. This is hilarious. I actually went to Twitter to look up Shane Lazypunk. I've very tempted to follow him.

    Oh, and from reading your initial post about Mr. Lazypunk, I would've had to correct the tip issue by telling the jerk that I had made a mistake and made sure that Kevin Doeshisjob got the money. This actually makes me glad that we have to pump our own gas in NC.

  14. *Snickering loudly*! Brilliant! I think I must live in Lazypunkville, because here customer service is still just a rumour! Everything gets done on African time (whenever!) and sod the customer! 😀

  15. This post was all kinds of awesome.

    I love living in NJ for many reasons, but not having to get out the car and pump my own gas, is one of my high ranking reasons. I can relate to your experience with Shane Lazypunk, as I have met many of his clones late at night, at many a WAWA throughout this great state of ours!

  16. Haha! Ok, I won't follow him.

    I know what you mean about feeling too dumb to go back… I honestly would've have too. But, I disagree with you getting the title of biggest asshole if you had gone back. Lazypunk wins that award.

  17. Hilarious! As a fiction writer, I always have characters running around inside my head, nagging me to change scenes, etc. They often seem to take on personalities of their own, so I have to rein them in and keep them in line. (To anyone but another writer, I know this sounds totally insane–LOL)

    I’d joked to my husband that my characters often become so real to me, one of these days I wouldn't be surprised to see one of them tweeting…in which case I’d know for certain that I’d finally lost my marbles.

    I’ll bet you had to do some marble checking of your own when Shane Lazypunk started tweeting on his own! Love it! Thanks for the laughter. 🙂

  18. Haha.

    At one point, I had my dead grandmother tweeting because, well, I'm disturbed. This post reminds me, I should probably check on her. If she's “networking,” I'll probably need a joint.

  19. I followed just in the hopes that they follow back and I can send a direct message to them in hopes of figuring out if it's the robots, or haxors. I'm too curious! If I were a cat, I'd be dead.

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