Three Ways to Guarantee Bad Dreams

Ah, sleep… we all want it don’t we? But sometimes we can’t get it, whether it be from an awful lumpy, uncomfortable mattress that is doing nothing to help us sleep, so we stand in front of the bedroom mirror begging ourselves to get a new one because we don’t have to stare at the darn ceiling anymore (The Dozy Owl has more on this), or it’s our own brains telling us to watch/do something stupid. Here are three tricks that I recently discovered if you want to have nightmares or wake up feeling incredibly depressed.

#1: Fall asleep while watching The Shining

I recently finished reading The Shining, so naturally I had to watch the film.

Movies never frighten me, and this one was no different. However, I fell asleep towards the end of the movie and the DVD went back to the menu, in which this was loudly played on loop for the next seven or eight hours while I slept:

Imagine that theme wailing its shriek and thump to your subconscious over and over and over and over.

I woke up in a cold sweat, completely positive that I was dead, at the hands of one of the hundred or so impossibly terrifying things that tried to kill me throughout the night.

#2: Search for “crying kids” in Google Images before sleeping.

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Untouchable, Bitch

At work, I get a half-hour break every two hours or so.

During breaks, all casino employees are pretty much required to go to the break room, which is connected to the cafeteria.

The break room is really a series of rooms, so while I might not have a choice of where I go during my breaks, I still get a choice of where I want to spend my thirty minutes in the confines of those few rooms.

I can go on the outside deck, which is above the Atlantic City Boardwalk and overlooks the ocean.  I typically only do this on my first break during my 6:30AM shifts, and watch the sunrise* with a cup of coffee.
*It is not as poetically unmanly as one might think**.  The smell of food in the morning makes me nauseous, so I need to go outside to get fresh air.

**But I cry anyway.

I can play a game of pool.  It costs a dollar, though.  And I am terrible at pool, so it would most likely take more than half an hour to complete a game.

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