Thoughts are still hard to make, and the thoughts that make it through are hard.
-Youngman Brown
The Happiness “Poem”
Feeling sad?
Just remember:
Osama bin Laden
Is fucking dead.
-Youngman Brown
The Eve of Opening Day (A “Poem”)
All it takes, I know,
Is just that crack,
The crowd’s first roar,
To wash away the
pain, gloom, sorrow
of seasons yore.
So, like a little girl,
I gleefully lay my outfit
The night before.
-Youngman Brown
Daylight Savings: An Ode to Laziness (A “Poem”)
Sure, I may have lost
An hour to snore,
But after four long months
My clocks are right once more.
-Youngman Brown
A Single Guy’s Cynical Valentine’s Day Poem
[I]
Among other things,
Condom sales reach their peak
Around Valentine’s Day.
…so have fun with that. 🙁
[II]
Have fun? Great! Because
March is the highest grossing month
For at-home pregnancy tests.
So have fun with that 🙂
[III]
Oh, and on Valentine’s Day, 1929,
Penicillin was introduced
To cure you of your syphilis.
Try to have fun with that! <3
-Youngman Brown
-Youngman Brown
There Goes the Harvest (A “Poem”)
Crop circles:
Merely graffiti
From unruly
Punk aliens.
-Youngman Brown
Unintentionally Flirting With the Elderly (A “Poem”)
[I]
I frightened an old Asian lady
In a crowded mall –
I witnessed her sneeze
From forty feet away.
[II]
A few seconds later, a few feet closer,
I caught her eye.
The mall was loud;
I mouthed “God bless you.”
[III]
But the sneeze was long forgotten;
Her eyes grew wide,
She quickened her pace
As she sped past me.
-Youngman Brown
How to Confuse Strangers (A Poem)
[I]
Approach someone random,
Act panicked (not insane), say
“Excuse me!” – catch your breath,
“But what year is it?”
Act panicked (not insane), say
“Excuse me!” – catch your breath,
“But what year is it?”
[II]
Jubilation or horror
Are two options;
Either way, the stranger’s
Response must shock you.
Are two options;
Either way, the stranger’s
Response must shock you.
[III]
Stare in awe at the sky
As you run away.
Make sure to jump back
At the first car you see.
As you run away.
Make sure to jump back
At the first car you see.
-Youngman Brown